Sunday, April 22, 2012

It always gets a little worse before it gets better...

Thank you for your patience, your concern and as always your prayers in regards to my last post. If there is anything important that I have learned in life thus far, it is to talk truthfully about your feelings; especially with the ones you love and the ones who offer their support. After that last post, there has been a lot of things I wanted to update about; but in all honesty I did not have the energy to write about it. In my head, I've composed so many posts - posts about my Mom's 80th birthday celebration. Posts about Jack and Jenelle and how they are just growing up so fast. A post with photos from Easter. I'll catch up eventually, and I have lots of photos to share, but right now I'm taking it slow. I'm still trying to find myself mentally I suppose.  When I get there, you'll know.  But sometimes it has to get a little worse before it gets better.

Recently, Brett and I have been watching the new Kiefer Sutherland show "Touch" on Fox. As you can imagine, we relate to Kiefer's character because his son is non-verbal like Jenelle. Usually, the show begins with some narration from the boy. One of the opening narrations in a recent episode really rang true for me. The boy talked about how in life our goal is to be heard; whether through music, art, success, writings... it's a natural human instinct to throw our thoughts, ideas and words out into the world and feel the connection of immediate feedback. This resonated with me and I immediately thought of this blog.

Jenelle has been having more seizures of late.  Our next appointment at UCLA is in July, but I'm not so concerned I think we need to get in sooner.  She really has matured so much this year, and I think her new school and the YMCA get all the credit.  Being with children her own age really calms her, and we see less frustration, even if we aren't communicating any better than before.  I can't wait for the day when I can talk with Jenelle and ask her all the things I've wanted to know.  We have a special kind of relationship that I could have never imagined having with a daughter.  I just hope that things continue to improve.

Jack is also changing, and showing signs of developing a closer relationship with Jenelle.  The other night when Jenelle was asleep on the floor after a seizure, I noticed that Jack snuggled up behind her and put his arm over her side as if to hug and spoon her.  In her ear, he whispered that she was going to be OK.  It was beautiful.  He likes to take her hand and jump or dance, and he love to try to make her laugh.  Its amazing to me because it isn't something we've tried to push on him... it just comes naturally.  The love she gives us and gets in return.

Brett and I are managing to survive day to day with emotions and such.  When you think of all we've been through, there is no surprise that we are struggling emotionally.  Our relationship has so many special and amazing qualities, I just know that we will get through these last few struggles and find happiness.  I promise to post some photos soon.  As always, thank you for the prayers and support - please keep them coming!